Too Many Goodbyes

Bydd fy nghyn-gŵr yn cael ei gladdu yng Nghaliffornia heddiw. Dw i’n dal ffeindio i fod anodd credu bod e wedi mynd.  Sa i’n gallu i fod yna i reswmau tu hwnt fy rheoli.  And that breaks what little of my heart is left.

There has been too many deaths in my life of late.  Too much sorrow, too many tears.  But I think this has been the worst.  Ben was my lover, my companion, my support and my comfort in times when I needed to be held.  But first of all and most of all he was my best friend.  So I’m writing this little eulogy to him because no matter how things were in the end, that is not how I remember him.  How I remember us.

So I will go on now after all these losses knowing that the value in life is not what you have but who you have.  For it’s the people in one’s life who matter.  And having a friend to hold you when you cry and cheer you on when you win is more important than any material belonging.  For it’s these things that you miss when someone passes on.  And you find yourself remembering all the times you laughed, kisses of joy and sorrow, moments of passion and the quiet companionship that comes from the comfort of knowing someone well.

When that person is gone you wish you could laugh with them again, and talk with them again, have one last hug, one last kiss.

I wish I could see your smile just once more, my Ben, for I’ve never stopped loving you.  But I cannot and so I can only wish you a long and peaceful rest.  May God bless you and keep you.

Goodbye.